Mrs. Banks, according to USPS

I totally thought this was Devon’s cousin or someone being funny.

Apparently we left quite an impression on our furniture salesman when we moved this summer. He actually sent us a Christmas card. He’s just one of the many people who think were already married.

We stopped at Sears Monday night because Devon needed a new car battery (another story for another day), the guy says “your wife can sign it if you want”. We are at the stage where we still start laughing when people say it. Like “lol no”. We don’t really outwardly correct people anymore. We just go with it, whilst laughing. We know it’ll happen so it’s not like people are being overly presumptuous. It’s just not happening yet.

His Gramma always refers to me as his fiancée and gets upset when he corrects her. She’s like well what are you waiting for? Nothing, really. But it’s not 1950 anymore, just because we’re both in our late twenties doesn’t mean we have to be married yet. And in fact a recent article from The New York Times says we’re following the current trend in dating/marriage.

Studies are showing a drastic decease in divorces because people are doing, essentially, what Devon and I are doing. We’re getting married later (meaning we aren’t married at 21 anymore), having kids later, and living together first. It’s almost like a test run of marriage but without the worry of divorcing if it doesn’t work. For traditionalists, this is appalling. But it’s realistic. I’d rather know now that it wouldn’t work because I only want to get married once.

As far as Devon and I are concerned, we live as a married couple just with different last names. We cohabitate as married people, we own property/things together as married people, we have invested in this relationship as if we were married. The legality will come later. It’s not like either of us is planning on going anywhere.

So for now; while I’m not Mrs. Banks yet, I will still usually answer to it, if for no other reason than for practice for when it is my name all the time. Not being married by 30 is okay; I have my partner in life regardless of whether there is a ring on my finger signifying it or not. That’s all that matters to me.

Co-dependency.

For a living, I try to understand and analyze human behavior and cognitions. The way the brain works and how our actions are formed as a result has amazed me my whole life. I admit that there are many things I still don’t understand even after studying this for almost a decade. But one thing I can’t seem to comprehend is codependency in relationships. Conceptually, I get it; I guess I just don’t understand why it’s necessary for some people. This probably has a lot to do with my overly independent nature but it baffles me.

Case in point: Yesterday.

Devon and I go to The Hobbit marathon. One of Devon’s best friends of forever comes with us. Perfectly fine. Shows up late, but that’s normal. Shows up alone, at that. After the first movie ends he says to Devon and I: “yeah so R (his gf) called out of work because she was super sick yesterday, I mean sick enough to go to work”. Were like “alright, hope she feels better”. Then he follows with, “she’s going to make it by the third movie tonight”.

:blinks: Now I preface by saying; Devon and I live five minutes from our theater that was doing the screening. Said friend and his gf live almost an hour away. So she’s driving herself, while sick, an hour away to see a movie, a third of a full showing, and will have no idea what is going on because she admittedly hadn’t seen the first two. I’m just like…..why?! It’s not like they never see each other. They’re together daily. Now, I love Devon dearly, I love spending time with him but even when we didn’t see as much of each other we do now, no way would I have done that while sick.

And it’s not like this is just a random occurrence. It’s always like this. No matter what, she is always with him no matter where they are going. The boys had a “guy night” a month or so ago; she was there. It’s like they don’t exist outside of the other. I guess I just don’t understand that mentality.

Like I said I love Devon, he’s my favorite person in the entire world, I love spending time with him, but I don’t wanna see him every second of my life. He’ll drive me crazy. I appreciate that we can go out with our respective friends by ourselves. I know I’ve said before we’re sometimes inseparable and we are. But not every second. We’re still individuals at the end of the day. We don’t sulk because the other one isn’t around (like someone was doing until his gf showed up yesterday). We enjoy our time together and alone.

I’m not tying to say that there is anything wrong with being this way; to each their own. I just don’t understand it. And I think it’s one of those things I’ve tried to wrap my head around and it’s just not tying into a bow at the end. Any and all explanations are welcome.